Synopsis of "How to talk so Kids will Listen,..."
Below follow the main points in Adele Faber's and Elaine Mazlish's book. It has been very helpful to me, to use these when reading the book. The examples in the book are excellent and really bring the points home.
Help with Feelings:
Listen with full attention
Acknowledge their feelings
Give their feelings a name
Give them their wishes in fantasy
Engage Cooperation:
Describe what you see or describe the problem
Give information
Say it with a word
Talk about your feelings
Write a note
Alternatives to punishment:
Point out a way to be helpful
Express strong disapproval (without attacking character)
State your expectations
Show the child how to make amends
Give a choice
Take action
Allow the child to experience the consequences of his actions
To encourage autonomy:
Let children make choices
Show respect for a child's struggle
Don't ask too many questions
Don't rush to answer questions
Encourage children to use sources outside the home
Don't take away hope